so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
