The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
