Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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