for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
