Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
