today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize