me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize