oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
