dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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