Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
