Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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