Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
