You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
