dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize