You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
