God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize