I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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