Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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