I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize