I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
