I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize