Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
