I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
