From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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