There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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