Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize