On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm at about main and main street
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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