We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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