The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
