How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
