I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
