I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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