I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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