If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
