Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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