like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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