i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize