Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
