you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
