I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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