i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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