sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
did you just send me my own nude
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
