I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
