Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
