is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
