I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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