in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
