I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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