Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
