I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize