I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't deserve a penis
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
