I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize