What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
