I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
