This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
