So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
