If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
