It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
