I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
