my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
