Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
