I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
