Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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