just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
