oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
