at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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