sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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