Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
