She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
