someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
