Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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