so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
