Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
