Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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