I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sober January is a disaster.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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