either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just blew my weed a kiss
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
