So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
