No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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