Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
