I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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