So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
