How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
