Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
