i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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