how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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