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Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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