i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I should be sponsored by Trojan
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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